YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS ARE AS GOOD AS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF

No matter if it's about your significant other, family, friends, or your nosey neighbor next door, a tip on what to do when your relationships sour.

RELATIONSHIPS

FLORIANA FABIAN

6/19/20245 min read

woman sitting on sofa holding eyeglasses
woman sitting on sofa holding eyeglasses

Do they tell you to have patience and faith, and to be grateful, when, in reality, there is nothing to be grateful about? And even worse, the favorable position of those giving advice feels rather like hypocrisy and gaslighting? I can relate. But what I've learned is that sometimes you just have to listen to what others say and pay no attention to how and when they say it. It's always the "how" or the "when" like the pesky little trees that prevent us from seeing the entire forest.

Sometimes you just have to take things as they are and stop overthinking. Because overthinking is your ego trying to take the wheel. And whenever your ego gets in the way, that's when every relationship goes haywire. The ego wants to know the "how" because it doesn't like to shake the boat, but still wants to reach the destination. And it also wants to know the "when", because it always wants things right now, rather than letting life unfold, while you take time to smell the roses. But how do you stop overthinking? How do you prevent the ego from getting in the way?

They say "live your life" and not "think your life", for a reason. They also say "imagine the life you want" and not "think the life you want". Imagination and thinking are in opposition. Imagination implies inspiration, bliss, and empowerment. Thinking, on the other hand, involves bringing out all the arsenal of what you've ever learned from others and your own experience, to silence the imagination, your true inner desires. Imagination comes from a higher place and gives you wings. Thinking comes from your next-door neighbor and puts you in your place. And yes, imagination is illogical, or so it seems, while judgement is not... Or so you think... Your neighbor thinks... After all, she's got all her s*** together... Or does she?...

Is your thinking that great? Uh... Why are you here? Is your neighbor's thinking that great? Again... Why are you here? The grass is greener on the other side, not because you see it to be, but because whoever is in charge of that grass brags about it, to build themselves up. There's no exception. Everyone wants to look perfect, or, at least, better than you, better than they are, in a vain pursuit of better circumstances. In reality, no one is perfect, because our world, or even the universe we live in aren't perfect, and the circumstances, including relationships, always remain the reflection of who we are, at any point in time.

It's not about self-love, because you already love yourself. You won't let yourself down and you'd still feed yourself, no matter how many dumb things you do. Now, that's unconditional love!... It's about accepting yourself and making the best out of it. You can change your physical appearance, your habits, and even the way you think, at any time. Forget about them. But you can never change your aspirations, your dreams. That's what you should cater to, first and foremost. Because if you have them, it means you are supposed to and capable of making them happen. Stop gratifying others and putting them on a pedestal. Stop gratifying yourself. The only one you have to please is your soul. Once you align with your aspirations, everything falls into place. You are finally you and you look, feel, and act like you should. You are happy and everyone wants to be around you, because they all love to be around fortunate people. But only you know who is a keeper and who is not and the role each person you encounter plays in your life.

And I use the word "plays" for a reason. Because life is a game, how we discover it when we come to Earth, with the pure essence of our souls. We know, then, that everything is possible and that we deserve unconditional love. We just forget it the moment our ego starts shaping up, to protect us from other egos keeping us accountable. Only the ego is pompous and takes itself more seriously than it should. It's this parallel universe of egos that prevents us from seeing the reality as it is. Therefore, we all have a different perspective and, so often, although we speak the same language, we don't understand each other at all.

Now, this may be exactly when one's word of love may push the wrong buttons in someone else's ears. Who wants to hear about aligning themselves with their aspirations when they are looking for a quick practical solution in a stringent situation? So, I will take the time to please your ego and explain the "how" and the "when", although it may be not be what it likes to hear:

Let's start with the "how"... You see, "in the beginning was the Word", not the World. Which means the law was before nature came into existence. And, you like it or not, the law running the show is the Law of Love. Love is the perfection we all aspire to and the only one capable of creation. As an example, we all came out of love and it doesn't matter what perspective on love you may have, because that's your ego. The entire nature - and you are part of it - is still developing to measure with the Law. In this relentless pursuit to reach the highest standard of evolution, the love we randomly experience will often be hit and miss. Trial and error are part of the game, to shed light on the right path and to prove the ego how wrong it is, over and over. So keep being playful. "Happy-go-lucky".

We live in an electric universe running on a numeric code, with a processor speed which is the speed of light. Our consciousness is the trail we create, of the data we collect as we play, and the one we put out as a print on the game. We don't have consciousness to benefit ourselves, but whoever created the Law. So, unless you're in line with the Law, the consciousness always misbehaves and you fall flat on your face. This is the simulation we were given to experience and enjoy. But, within this one, we created our own simulation, fed by our minds, where we send our egos to fight our battles. And this results in a more and more dysfunctional mirror neurons mechanism, with impaired cognitive functions, misinterpreting actions, and failing to understand basic emotions, blah, blah, blah...

To make the story short, if your relationships need improvement, there's only one viable formula that I know: accept that no one is perfect, including yourself, but you are good enough for the desired outcome. Assume the result and keep it like that. Put on a smile and see what happens.

"When" it will happen? You don't need to worry. It will... And if your next-door neighbor has anything to say, remember she means well, but she's not perfect. Mind your own business.